Word Crimes

[Intro] Fadd9 Everybody shut up! (woo!) Everyone listen up! Hey hey hey Hey hey hey           Am   Fadd9 Hey hey hey [Verse 1] If you can’t write In the proper way If you don’t know Fadd9 How to conjugate Maybe you flunked that class And maybe now you find Am                    Fadd9 That people mock you online (Everybody wise up!) [Pre-Chorus 1] Okay now here’s the deal I’ll try to educate ya Gonna familiarize Fadd9 You with the nomenclature You’ll learn the definitions Of nouns and prepositions Literacy’s your mission Fadd9 And that’s why I think it’s a [Chorus] Good time To learn some grammar Now did I stammer Fadd9 Work on that grammar You should know when It’s "less" or it’s "fewer" Like people who were Fadd9 Never raised in a sewer I hate these word crimes Like "I could care less" (Hey Hey Hey!) That means you DO care Fadd9 At least a little Don’t be a moron You’d better slow down And use the right pronoun Fadd9 Show the world you’re no clown [Verse 2] Say you’ve got an "it" Followed by apostrophe "s" Now what does that mean? Fadd9 You would not use "it’s" in this case As a possessive (no no no!) It’s a contraction (yeah yeah yeah!) What’s a contraction? Fadd9 Well it’s the shortening of a word or a group of words By omission of a sound or letter [Pre-Chorus 2] Okay now here are some notes Syntax you’re always mangling No X in "espresso" Fadd9 Your participle’s danglin’ But I don’t want your drama If you really wanna Am                     Fadd9 Leave out that Oxford comma [Chorus] Just keep in mind that "be" "see" "are" "you" Are words not letters Get it together Fadd9 Use your spell checker You should never Write words using numbers Unless you’re seven Fadd9 Or your name is Prince I hate these word crimes (I hate them crimes) You really need a (I hate them crimes) Full-time proofreader (I mean those crimes) Fadd9 You dumb mouthbreather Well you should hire Some cunning linguist To help you distinguish Fadd9 What is proper English [Bridge] One thing I ask of you Time to learn your homophones is past due Learn to diagram a sentence too Fadd9 Always say "to whom" don’t ever say "to who" And listen up when I tell you this I hope you never use quotation marks for emphasis You finished second grade I hope you can tell Fadd9 If you’re doing good or doing well You’d better figure out the difference Irony is not coincidence And I thought that you’d gotten it through your skull Fadd9 About what’s figurative and what’s literal Oh but just now you said You "literally couldn’t get out of bed" That really makes me want to literally Fadd9 Smack a crowbar upside your stupid head [Chorus] I read your e-mail It’s quite apparent Your grammar’s errant Fadd9 You’re incoherent Saw your blog post It’s really fantastic That was sarcastic (Oh psych!) Fadd9 ’Cause you write like a spastic I hate these word crimes Your prose is dopey Think you should only Fadd9 Write in emoji Oh you’re a lost cause Go back to pre-school Get out of the gene pool Fadd9 Try your best to not drool [Outro] Never mind I give up Am           Fadd9   Really now I give up Hey hey hey Hey hey hey Go away! Fadd9