Skipper Dan

I starred in every high school play Blew every drama teacher away Graduated first in my class at Julliard Took every acting workshop I could And I dreamed of Hollywood While I read my Uta Hagen and studied the Bard Hit the boards and paid my dues And got phenomenal rave reviews I knew the world was gonna love me without a doubt I was sure that Tarantino would be calling me on my phone Annie Liebowitz would shoot me for Rolling Stone But the years have come and gone and I’m sorry to say That’s not the way that it’s all worked out I’m a tour guide on the Jungle Cruise ride Skipper Dan is the name And I’m doing 34 shows every day And every time it’s the same Look at those hippos they’re wiggling their ears Just like they’ve done for the last 50 years Now I’m laughing at my own jokes but I’m crying inside ’Cause I’m working on the Jungle Cruise ride Oh the critics they used to say I was the new Olivier Thought I’d be the toast of Sundance or maybe Cannes Ah but don’t bother trying to IMDB me The only place you might possibly see me Is riding my little boat around Adventureland It ain’t exactly what I planned but I’m a tour guide on the Jungle Cruise ride Skipper Dan is the name And I’m doing 34 shows every day And every time it’s the same I would’ve killed if I’d been in Speed-the-Plow But what’s the difference that’s all behind me now ’Cause I’m paying the rent and I’m swallowing my pride And I’m working on the Jungle Cruise ride I should be there on Broadway Knocking ’em dead in 12 Angry Men But instead I’m here telling these lame jokes Again and again and again and again And again and again and again (              ) (              ) I should’ve listened when my Grandfather said Why don’t you major in business instead? Now my hopes have all vanished and my dreams have all died And I’ll probably work forever as a Tour guide on the Jungle Cruise ride Skipper Dan is the name And I’m doing 34 shows every day And every time it’s the same Look at those hippos they’re wiggling their ears Somebody shoot me ’cause I’m bored to tears Always said I’d be famous I guess that I lied ’Cause I’m working on the Jungle Cruise ride I’m still working on the Jungle Cruise ride