Amish Paradise

Intro: verse 1:   As I walk through the valley where I harvest my grain   I take a look at my wife and realize she’s very plain   But that’s just perfect for an Amish like me   You know I shun fancy things like electricity   At 4:30 in the morning I’m milkin’ cows   Jebediah feeds the chickens and Jacob plows fool   And I’ve been milkin’ and plowin’ so long that   Even Ezekiel thinks that my mind is gone   I’m a man of the land I’m into discipline   Got a Bible in my hand and a beard on my chin   But if I finish all of my chores and you finish thine   Then tonight we’re gonna party like it’s 1699   Chorus 1:     We been spending most our lives living in an Amish paradise     I’ve churned butter once or twice living in an Amish paradise     It’s hard work and sacrifice living in an Amish paradise     We sell quilts at discount price living in an Amish paradise   verse 2:   A local boy kicked me in the butt last week   I just smiled at him and I turned the other cheek   I really don’t care in fact I wish him well   ’Cause I’ll be laughing my head off when he’s burning in Hell   But I ain’t never punched a tourist even if he deserved it   An Amish with a ’tude? You know that’s unheard of   I never wear buttons but I got a cool hat   And my homies agree I really look good in black fool   If you come to visit you’ll be bored to tears   We haven’t even paid the phone bill in 300 years   But we ain’t really quaint so please don’t point and stare   We’re just technologically impaired   Bridge:   There’s no phone no lights no motorcar not a single luxury   Like Robinson Caruso it’s as primitive as can be   Chorus 2:     We been spending most our lives living in an Amish Paradise     We’re just plain and simple guys living in an Amish Paradise     There’s no time for sin and vice living in an Amish Paradise     We don’t fight we all play nice living in an Amish Paradise   verse 3:   Hitchin’ up the buggy churnin’ lots of butter   Raised a barn on Monday soon I’ll raise an ’utter   Think you’re really righteous? Think you’re pure in heart?   Well I know I’m a million time as humble as thou art   I’m the pious guy the little Amlettes want to be like   On my knees day and night scorin’ points for the afterlife   So don’t be vain and don’t be whiny   Or else my brother I might have to get medieval on your heinie   Chorus 3:   We been spending most our lives living in an Amish Paradise     We’re all crazy Mennonites living in an Amish Paradise     There’s no cops or traffic lights living in an Amish Paradise     But you’d probably think it bites living in an Amish Paradise   Outro:   Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh   Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-yecch!