The Sick Note

verse 1 Dear Sir I write this note to you to tell you of me plight And at the time of writing I am not a pretty sight; My body is all black and blue my face a deathly gray And I write this note to say why Paddy’s not at work today verse 2 While working on the fourteenth floor some bricks I had to clear; Now to throw them down from such a height was not a good idea The foreman wasn’t very pleased he being an awkward sod He said I’d have to cart them down the ladders in me hod verse 3 Now clearing all these bricks by hand it was so very slow So I hoisted up a barrel and secured the rope below But in me haste to do the job I was to blind to see That a barrelful of building bricks was heavier than me verse 4 So when I untied the rope the barrel fell like lead And clinging tightly to the rope I started up instead Well I shot up like a rocket till to my dismay I found That halfway up I met the bloody barrel comming down Verse 5 Well the barrel broke me shoulder as to the ground it sped And when I reached the top I banged the pully with my head Well I clung on tight through numbed shock from this almighty blow And the barrel spilled out half the bricks fourteen floors below Verse 6 Now when these bricks had fallen from the barrel to the floor I then outweighed the barrel and so started down once more; Still clinging tightly to the rope I sped towards the ground And I landed on the brocken bricks that were all scattered round Verse 7 Well I lay there groaning on the ground I thought I’d passed the worst When the barrel hit the pully-wheel and then the bottom burst Well a shower of bricks rained down on me I hadn’t got a hope As I lay there moaning on the ground I let go of the bloody rope Verse 8 The barrel than being heavier it started down once more And landed right across me as I lay upon the floor Well it broke three ribs and my left arm and I can only say That I hope you’ll understand why Paddy’s not at work today