I Shall Be Free

Well I took me a woman late last night I was three-fourths drunk she looked alright                 'Til she started peelin' off her onion-gook She took off her wig an' said "How do I look?"       I was high-flyin'           Bare-naked            Out the window                          Well sometimes I might get drunk Walk like a duck and smell like a skunk Don't hurt me none it don't hurt my pride 'Cause I got my little lady right by my side         She's-a tryin' to hide         Pretendin' she don't know me                                 I's out there paintin' on the old woodshed When a can of black paint it fell on my head        I went down to scrub and rub But I had to sit in back of the tub        Cost a quarter  Half-price                      Well my telephone rang it would not stop It's President Kennedy callin' me up         He said "My friend Bob what do we need to make the country grow?" I said "My friend John Brigitte Bardot         Anita Ekberg             Sophia Loren            Country-O-Grow"                                     Well I got a woman four feet short She yells and hollers and screams and snorts        She tickles my nose pats me on the head Rolls me over and kicks me outta bed         She's a man-eater         Meat-grinder        Bad loser                                       Oh there ain't no use in me workin' all the time I got a woman who works herself blind Works up to her britches up to her neck Writes me letters and sends me checks She's a humdinger            Folk singer                                  Late one day in the middle of the week Eyes were closed I was half asleep I chased me a woman up the hill Right in the middle of an air raid drill       I jumped the fallout shelter        I jumped the string-bean            I jumped the TV dinner            I jumped the shotgun                     Now the man on the stand he wants my vote He's a-runnin' for office on a ballot note He's out there preachin' in front of the steeple Tellin' me he loves all kinds of people       He's eatin' bagels             He's eatin' pizza            He's eatin' chitlins                                  Oh I set me down on the television floor I flipped the channel on to number four Out of the shower comes a football man With a bottle of oil in his hand        Greasy kid stuff                     But what I want to know Mr. Football Man Is what do you do about  Willy Mays?                  Martin Luther King?          Oula Tunjee?                                          Well the funniest woman I ever seen Was the great-granddaughter of Mr. Clean      She takes about fifteen baths a day Wants me to grow a mustache on my face She's insane                                     Well ya ask me why I'm drunk all the time It levels my head and eases my mind        I just walk along and stroll and sing I'll see better days and I'll do better things      I'll catch dinosaurs            Make love to Elizabeth Taylor         Catch hell from Richard Burton