Adelaide's Lament

The average unmarried female Basically insecure      Due to some long frustration May react           With psychosomatic symptoms Difficult to endure           Affecting the upper respiratory tract         In other words Just from waiting around For that plain little band of gold         A person    can develop a cold          You can spray her wherever you figure The streptococci   lurk You can give her a shot for whatever she’s got But it just won’t work             If she’s tired of getting the fish-eye From the hotel clerk       A person     can develop a cold           it says here The female remaining single Just in the legal sense    Shows a neurotic tendency                 Chronic organic syndromes Toxic or hypertense               Involving the eye The ear    the nose and throat   In other words just from wondering             Whether the wedding is on or off              A person       can develop a cough            You can feed her all day With the Vitamin A and the Bromo Fizz                 But the medicine never Gets anywhere near where the trouble is                           If she’s getting a kind of name for herself And the name ain’t "his" A person       can develop a cough               And further more just from stalling            And stalling and stalling    The wedding trip       A person     can develop La gripe           When they get on a train For Niag’ra and she can hear church bells chime                 The compartment is air conditioned And the mood sublime               Then they get off at Saratoga          For the fourteenth time         A person     can develop La gripe           La grippe la post nasal drip With the wheezes and the sneezes              And a sinus that’s really a pip From a lack of community property And a feeling shes getting too old     A person     can develop a big bad cold